This week Danielle brings the exciting conclusion of the 2015 freezing-hot erotic sci-fi Ruby Dixon novel Ice Planet Barbarians. When we last left off, a group of women and been kidnapped by aliens then abandoned on an ice planet (the title doesn’t lie) and while most of the women slowly freeze to death, one, named Georgie, goes off to find help but instead has a sexual liaison in a cave with a different blue horned alien named Vektal. Now that we’re all caught up, it’s time for Georgie to try and guide Vektal back to her dying friends. She does this by eating a bunch of raw meat (which is gross) and falling into an ice chasm full of giant fish-faced Sasquatch things (which are also gross), and engaging Vektal in more sexual activity (which is the grossest). Eventually, Vektal finds the frozen corpse of one of the other girls, but never mind her, this means there are more women that he can bring back to his tribe, which is conveniently experiencing a dearth of women and, also conveniently, all the human women are sexually compatible and interested in the aliens, a fact Sam finds nigh inconceivable. However, the women are overjoyed to see Georgie has brought help, and only slightly perturbed by the notion of her having freaky alien sex with the blue dude accompanying her. Georgie agrees to go back with Vektal to his village to retrieve supplies for the women so they can all move there. Off she and Vektal go to the spend the night in the cave of ancestors where there’s a crashed ship frozen in the ice. Georgie pushes a button and the ship’s computer of plot convenience springs to life! The computer explains a whole bunch of stuff about how the blue aliens came to this planet and how they live, but none of that really matters since this books deals with none of that (a fact Sam is greatly frustrated by). What does matter is that the computer can magically download modern “Earth English” to the aliens’ brains, and their language to Georgie’s brain. Oh and also the girls will need to have a parasitic worm implanted in them post-haste or they’ll die from the planet’s toxic atmosphere. After much trekking to the village and back with rescuers in tow, and more alien sex than is necessary, all the women have to make a very hard decision: Die immediately or get the parasitic worm shoved in their necks. Tough call. Anyway, the girls learn that the aliens that originally abducted them are headed back, and also Georgie is likely pregnant with Vektal’s giant alien hybrid baby, but that’s a horror show we sadly miss since the book ends immediately as soon as Georgie has her man. If you want to learn more (maybe), feel free to dive into the other 21 (again, not a typo) books in this series, but as for now, please enjoy Sam’s complete breakdown at the ending of this book.

Theme: Earning Happiness by John Bartmann.

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